Jan 212013
Andy, Founder, Monogamous Gay Australia

“Join the Gay Reputation Revolution,” urges Andy (pictured), the founder of a new group he hopes will help change the way gay guys think about finding love.

Monogamous Gay Australia is a not-for-profit support group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, celebrating and promoting monogamous, loving and faithful gay relationships.

“We encourage singles to take a stand, go beyond one night and hold out for ‘the one’,” he says. “We support new couples in getting to know each other before intimacy.”

It’s early days yet for the fledgling group, but Andy hopes he’ll find many like-minded people out there. He invites all interested people to join him – take a look at his introductory letter below.



“Hold off, don’t sleep with him on the first date. If you want a lasting relationship get to know each other first.”

It’s the advice my Mum Suzie provided to my four straight sisters and all the more importantly to her only son – even though I’m gay, it’s all the same, she insists.

“Mum,” I used to say, “it doesn’t work like that in the gay world.” While it’s confronting, she’s right.

I never had a role model as a kid, teenager nor adult as to how I should live my life as a gay man. Instead it’s something we kept quiet about, yet I felt embarrassed. My love for a man is as worthy as my best friend’s love for her husband.

Why do gay men have such difficulty with monogamy, yet yearn to be loved in a relationship? Can’t a man give them all the love they need or are we greedy? Or is there just too much temptation out there?

Why do we have to buy into the whole scene thing? I’m no lipstick wearing drag queen, I don’t like shopping, but I do take forever in the bathroom to do my hair. Aren’t we all individuals who shouldn’t be typecast?

“We’re all searching for somebody special, yet most of us are going about it the wrong way.”

Aren’t our identities so much more than Mardi Gras, as the country’s politicians, lawyers, doctors, public servants, teachers, nurses, we are all worthy, worthy of love, worthy of respect, worthy of monogamy?

I don’t have to be straight to enjoy a dinner out with friends. Do I have to be at a club till 3am to feel accepted in our community? Aren’t we better than that?

Well it’s time to make a change. To grow up.

Grindr I’m deleting you off the iPhone, dear Manhunt customer service close my profile and Arq you can drop my name from your VIP door list.

We’re all searching for somebody special, yet most of us are going about it the wrong way. Like all of you I want to settle down in a loving, committed relationship with the one man I can grow old with. I want a child and I know that means growing up and living and breathing life with integrity, as my parents had before I came into the world. Breaking away from the stereotype and truly believing I’m worthy of more and worthy of creating my own family.

The stark reality hits when so many of my senior gay friends are growing old, alone and without companionship. I know something’s got to give, I need to make a stand, for more than a one night stand.

I created this group because I wanted to show I’m not the only man in Sydney who wants a loving, monogamous relationship.

Yes we slip up along the way, but we need to be strong. We need to ask more from life. We deserve what the rest of society has, to grow old with the man or woman we love.

Come share your story with us. Keep the romance alive.

Founder, Monogamous Gay Australia

Find the group on Facebook here.

Monogamous Gay Australia on samesame.com.au